


Drunk Donny

by someday_we_can_fly



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Love, Comfort, Donnie needs a hug - Freeform, Hurt, Intimacy, M/M, Raph is trying his best, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-10-11 06:50:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20541899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someday_we_can_fly/pseuds/someday_we_can_fly
Summary: What happens when Raph stumbles upon a very drunk Donatello? And how does he deal with the unraveling secrets his genius brother unloads? Will this change the whole family dynamics? Oh God, what would Splinter say?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soo this is my first TMNT fanfic. Tell me what you guys think, and if you would like me to continue the story. Much love x

Don sighed tiredly as he rubbed his swollen eyes. How long has it been since he had any kind of sleep? 3 days? Longer? He was sitting at his desk in his lab typing away on his PC. Not doing anything useful his brain supplied, just enough stuff to keep his mind occupied. Honestly the idea of being left alone with his thoughts terrified him more than he wanted to admit. Hence the reason he worked so much, it keeps his mind busy. 

Maybe he should do like his older brother Raph, and drink himself to a state of oblivion.  
With a huff and a small smile he thought about the other turtle. How strong, passionate, dedicated he is. Not to mention how attractive and handsome he is. Those big muscles, the fire in his eyes, the way he moves - always with so much passion. He’s everything Donnie wanted to be and more.  
Actually everyone had something Don wanted: Leo, with his calm and collected exterior, Mickey and his goofiness and ability to make people laugh, and Raph. The Hothead has the biggest heart a being could have. That’s probably not the only big thing, his mind supplied. Ah yes, if his self-loathing wasn’t bad enough, Don had to have a crush on his brother. HIS BROTHER! He agreed a long time ago after April rejected him that his family is just too different to be considered as attractive. Freak, gross, unnerving or even scary could be better terms to describe them. Maybe he does need the booze. 

With a sigh, he pushed his chair back, determined to look for Raphael’s stash of alcohol. Just a little sip he told himself. Just enough to make his brain shut up. 

He quietly tip toed across the lair, being extra quiet to not wake his family. The last thing he wanted was the leader to catch him still awake and wondering around. He’d be questioned until the blue bandana turtle would get what he’d want. And then Donnie would be guilt tripped into going to bed, feeling worse than before. That is one of the main reasons why he doesn’t talk about his feelings. That, and not wanting to burden his brothers. 

He arrived in the kitchen, switched the lights on, and started his search. It wasn’t long before he found what he needed. It’s no secret where Raphie hides his drinks, it’s just that nobody’s interested in drinking. That’s more the red’s job. He opened the first bottle, caught a whiff of the sent and coughed. God what was that smell? How could anybody drink this? Tentatively he took a sip. It burned down his throat but wasn’t uncomfortable. He took another gulp, bigger than the last. He put the bottle back and picked out another. He opened it and started drinking. Sooner than later Don felt a pleasant buzz go through his body. Huh, so this is why Raphael drinks. He is starting to understand the hothead’s like for booze. 

Don’s legs start to feel heavy so he sits down on the ground. A light chuckle escapes his mouth. So this is what it’s like to be happy. Maybe he should sing a song. But which one? A love song for his non existent love-life? Well that’s just pathetic. Not as pathetic as being in love with your brother, his good for nothing brain supplied. With a groan, he plonked his back on the ground and looked up at the ceiling. Everything around him was spinning but that didn’t keep him from taking another sip. He really was good for nothing. He could tinker, sure, but anything else he was at loss. He wasn’t calm, or strong, or funny, or even wise as his Master Splinter. Maybe he should just leave them all behind and run away. Or drink himself to death. Apparently that was a painless way to go. Speaking of it, the intoxicated turtle let out a whimper his stomach involuntary cramped up. Who ever said it was painless was clearly wrong. So wrong.

“Yo Don, what are ya doin’ on the floor?” Huh, that voice. The voice that haunts his sleep and makes him swoon at the same time. Don forces his eyes open. He hadn’t even realized that he had closed them.  
“Oooh heyy Raphie” the genius slurs out. The older turtles eyes narrow as he takes in the scene in front of him. He was training late at night as he often does with nobody around to bother him when he heard a groan coming from the kitchen. Curiosity he followed the sound until he stubbles upon his younger brother on the ground. At first he was amused, thinking that the genius fell asleep looking for some coffee but quickly sobered up when he smelled the air. A definite smell of alcohol. Not to mention Donnie’s incoherent words flowing from his mouth. Now his was new. The genius drinking? That never happened. Raph briefly wondered what triggered him to act out. His thoughts were quickly interrupted by the drunk turtle hurling on the floor.

Oh my, this is embarrassing, thought Donnie. Fortunately he didn’t have the the time to dwell upon the matter as sleep started to take him.  
“Don? Yo Donnie! Stay awake for me ey?” 

This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. It’s one thing to have a couple of drinks, but it seems as his brother has drunken enough to completely wreck his system. Raph has to think fast. Unfortunately he isn’t as smart as his brother and the only thing he could think of is dumping cold water on his face. Well, it’s better than nothing he thought. He quickly goes to the tap, fills a glass and empties it on the genius. He wakes with a start, but the only thing he slurs out is “Don’t tell the others”. The hothead sighs. This is gonna be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Well there goes ma evening, thought bitterly Raphael . To be fair, he wasn’t mad at his brother per say. And he wasn’t pissed at Don for stealing his stash of alcohol either. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t even know why he was feeling upset. Shell, was he even feeling that? The only thing he was sure of is that he hated seeing his bro in this situation. Out of them all, Raphael felt the closest to the bō wielder. During their teenage years the latter had developed a wicked sense of humor and an incorrigible sarcasm that often left him bemused. Donatello often helped his older brother to calm down after a fight with the leader, and more often than not let the hothead express his feelings. Yes, late at night when everybody retired was when Raph felt safe enough to allow his emotions to show. It was just a coincidence that the brainiac was there for him one night when he needed someone the most. Now, almost 7 years later, their relationship has become stronger than ever. That is why the sai ninja was upset. He thought him and Einstein were close, at least close enough for the younger to come to him if he was feeling unhappy. But then again, did he ever do that, questioned the hothead. It’s true, Donnie never really talked about himself. He always hid behind the closed doors of his lab, shutting himself away from the world. Raphael was no fool, he could hear the stifled sobs that his brother tried in vain to suffocate. He just always assumed that if it was unmanageable, the gentle turtle would come to him. Well clearly not ya dumbass, thought Raph miserably. He didn’t have long to ponder about it, as the purple bandana turtle let out a painful groan. He was still dripping wet but seemingly oblivious to the mess around him. First things first, get Don in a sittin’ position. Would do me no good if he choked on ‘is own vom. The sai master got down on his knees and gripped his brothers shoulders, making sure to support his lower back. “Aight Donnie-boy, Imma lift you up now.” said Raph, knowing fully well that his bro wasn’t in a state of understanding his words. But as soon as he lifted Don up, the younger turtle started to trash. Shell I hate ‘em ninja reaction, sighed Raph. “Damn it Don! I’m tryna help ye. Calm down fer fuck sakes” No matter what he tried, his younger brother kept on trying to get away from him. “No.. no please don’t hurt me.” Hurt? Raph was confused. Did his brother really think he’ll hurt him? Or is he delirious? “Donnie, it me, yer brother Raph. Stop trashin’ around!” After a struggle, the hothead finally felt his brother relax enough for him to maneuver the turtle in a sitting position. Raphael let out a breathless sigh. Donatello might not look it, but he was strong even in an intoxicated state. “Okay, Imma be right back genius. Don’t yer think about movin’ or I’ll kick yer shell.” Truth be told, Raph didn’t really mean it. If there was one turtle whom he’d never hit, it would be Don. Never in their 22 years had he gotten mad at him. He felt something strong towards his brother, something causing butterflies in his stomach. He liked - no he craved - his brother’s presence. He’s do anything to make him smile. Raph opened a cupboard and fetched a glass, filled it with water and walked back over to Donatello. The latter seemed to slowly sober up. That was a good thing, thought Raph, dun need Fearless to wake up and come investigatin’. The purple bandana turtle gladly took the glass and clumsily downed the water. Raph took the glass back to fill it up again and get the brainiac a snack. This time, Donnie seemed to take it slower, all while shying his gaze away from his brother’s. Now that he was a bit more sober, Raph decided to get to the bottom of this. No matter what people thought about him, he cared deeply about his family. His gruff exterior was just a facade, a way of protection. “So, yer gonna tell me why you got so drunk an’ finished ma liquor ?” The other turtle stayed silent for a while. After all, how could he tell his older brother that he felt so shitty for having more-than-brotherly feelings for him? Could he face the rejection, the look of disgust? Oh shell, what if his family disowned him? “Hey Donnie, stay with me man. Dun need to start panicking.” In his state of overthinking, Donatello didn’t even realize he was bordering a panic attack. He vaguely heard Raph swore before he felt himself being pulled into a warm embrace, strong arms circling his body and protecting him from the cold outside world. Raphael, his protector, his older brother, his everything. He loved him so much it hurt, but he knew it would hurt more if he’d lose the connection they had. So instead of the truth, the genius returned the hug, breathed his brother’s sent in deeply and let the hothead’s steady heartbeat lull him to sleep. “Don’t worry little bro, I got ye.” For some reason, that triggered a reaction from Donnie. The genius’ head snapped up, his eyes hardened and he pulled away from the warmth of Raphael’s body. The latter, barely having time to register what was happening, could only watch in confusion as his brother stormed out of the kitchen. What the actual shell is goin’ on? Raph growled to himself In frustration. As much as he hated it, he’s gonna have to talk to the brainiac tomorrow. It would seem like I barely know the turtle, thought grimly the hothead. He sighed and stood up, looking at the mess. Better clean this up before Splinter Junior wakes up for his morning meditation. Yup, this was worst night of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo I’m not sure how I feel about this one. I hope you all like it nevertheless :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m back! I did not think I was gonna post anything so soon. University is currently killing me. Hehe, it’s so fun being an adult.

Donatello woke up with a splitting headache. Holy Newton , did Mikey decide to relocate inside of his head? The Genius cracked his eyes open and immediately regretted it. Nope, looks like getting up wasn’t on his list for today. And probably not on tomorrow’s either. Praise the nonexistent unscientifically proven Lord it’s Sunday, sighed internally Don. He let out a groan at a particularly painful throb. Right, he was never drinking again. Ever. And this time he meant it. As soon as he swore that oath, a soft knock made itself heard. 

“Hey Donnie, mind if I come in?” Raphael? Asking permission before doing something? Saying “mind”? And since when does he knock before entering his lab - as soon as the question entered his mind, the Turtle realized where he was. Not in his laboratory , his safe place, but in his room. Shell he hasn’t slept in it in over a week. What happened yesterday? He remembered feeling tired, drinking and then ... nothing. Wait. He remembered singing and ....a blurred red spot bringing water? Oh no. Raph. His maniac brother witnessed him drunk off his arse. Donnie let out another groan, this one more pathetic than the last. What else happened? Did he open up to his brother or worse, did he admit to having feelings for him?   
“Yo Brainiac, I can hear ye moan, so unless ye let me in, I ain’t givin’ ya some of ma sweet painkillers.”  
The prospect of pain relief was enough to jolt Don out of his thoughts.

“It’s open Raph” croaked out the hungover turtle. At least he thought it was. He had no recollection on how he got to be in his room. Did his brother carry him? No that seems wrong... Oh God. Realization hit him like a brick of rocks. He stormed out. After Raphael spent a good half an hour helping him, probably cleaning up after him too. Don whimpered in humiliation. Crud, could this get any worse?

He would later deny it, but Raphael spent the entire morning close to his brother’s room, keeping an eye on the door that remained closed. As much as he hated to admit it, he actually worried for Don. Not only him, but his whole family. As they grew up, they all became closer in a more intimate way. They trusted each other more, emotionally and in fights too. They were more affectionate towards one and other, even their Sensei would hug them now. Old age has mellowed the Ninja rat. Of course, all of this did not apply to Donatello, thought almost angrily Raph. God where was his lone wolf reputation when he needed it the most? He started to think back to when he and Donatello became close. Well, closer than with their other brothers.

Flashback to when they were about 15 :  
It was a cold December night. Huh, how cliché thought Raphael as he went to collect another blanket. His 5th to be precise. It was a very cold evening, colder than it has been in 6 years. Honestly, none of them have been expecting it and those who were warm blooded were suffering even more. Meaning himself and his nerdy brother. Speaking of Einstein, will he hurry up an’ get the frickin’ heater working already? Honestly, the hotheaded teenager was having a shitty day as it was. He woke up (late) for training, messed up his protein shake (toilet, may ye rest in peace), stubbed his toe (Shell, why does Mickey leave all his toys everywhere?) and recently started having what Master Splinter would call the “hormonal blues”. Meaning than instead of gettin’ angry, Raphael would get emotional. Very emotional. And Raph doesn’t do that, no Sir he does not. So really, was it any surprise that the moment he tripped over his bundle of warmth, crashed face first in the living room and opened his cheek that his eyes started watering? Stupid teenage hormones, he growled while making no effort whatsoever to get up. Frick this, why must I live this miserable life? After all, we ain’t supposed to be alive, an’ we sure as shell ain’t supposed to be living. The turtle surprised himself with these thoughts but they weren’t exactly considered uncommon amongst the ninjitsu brothers. Shell, even Splinter must get ‘em sometimes. For some reason it made him angrier and he slammed his hand on the coffee table. 

“What the Hell is going on ?”   
Donatello marched out of his lab, quite pissed at getting interrupted from his latest project. He was working on a way to get their lab solar powered during the summer, and a heat pump out of water for when the sun wasn’t enough. Right now, he wasn’t getting very far and it frustrated him. After all, his family depended on his genius mind. 

“What the sh- Raph? What are you doing on the floor? And are you - are you crying?” That was new. Never, ever had he seen his tough brother cry. Honestly, Don had come up with the conclusion that Raph simply was unable to do so. So to say he was shocked was an understatement. It was only then that he realized his brother’s hand was bleeding. 

“Raph... what’s going on?” That just seemed to break Raphael’s last inch of self control. He burst out in tears, not caring if his brother thought him weak. He was tired. So damned tired he didn’t even realize he reached his limit. He felt his brother’s arms go around his body, and his face found Donnie’s shoulders. He got maneuvered into a sitting position and before he could process what was happening, his whole body got lifted up from the ground. Even if he didn’t look like it, the purple ninja was very strong. Raph cuddled into his brother’s chest, for once not caring to shield himself away. 

Slowly he got put down on the lab bed, the one they use after a particular nasty fight, but more often Don would use it after a couple of days of hard work, no sleep, and a lot of caffeine. That particular thought triggered the injured turtle and before he knew it, Raph was unloading on Don. All his insecurities (although he would later go on denying he had ever had any), his frustrations, even his feeling of incompetence. His brother sat very quiet throughout his melt-down, his concentration on Raph’s busted hand.

“I’m a crazy?” Questioned suddenly the hothead.

At that point, Don could have easily thrown the scientific fact: no he wasn’t crazy, they all had those thoughts, that it was normal seeing as they were locked up in the undergrounds, that they would probably never experience a romantic kind of love, that that alone can make a being depressed after all, and other realistic smart-ass comments.   
But Instead, he finished up with his brother’s hand, put his equipment away, and gently took his hurting brother in his arms. He rubbed his hands down Raph’s shell, rocked him gently and whispered quietly. Somehow, it was all the hothead needed to feel safe again.

“Don’t worry bro, I got you.” 

Now, almost 7 years later, Raphael remembered that night as if it were yesterday. He heard Donatello wake up, and made a decision. As of today, he’ll be there for his brother, no matter the cost of it. 

He knocked on the door and waited for the okay to go in the room. It was going to be fine. It had to be. When Don allowed him in, he didn’t hesitate one bit.

“Don’t worry bro, I got you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voila, tell me what you think. Raph needs a big fat hug, and Don needs some Raphie love.   
Do you think I should continue this fic, or just take this chapter as the ending? I might prolong it if I have the time, mainly working on Don’s mental health issues and how his family deals with it. Remember that it’s okay to seek help, and it doesn’t make you any less strong.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!   
\- Mentions of self harm, brief mention of suicidal thoughts  
\- T-cest. Don’t like it don’t read it  
Also, I am looking for a beta writer/reader, if anyone is interested.

Well. That was... interesting. Donny had just spent the last hour trying to convince his brother that really, he was fine. Who would have thought Raphie would be so... determined. The turtle looked down at his bandaged wrists, wondering if his sibling knew about his unhealthy obsession. 

He sighed internally. He can’t explain what it is, but as soon as he slides the cold blade over his skin he feels immense relief, almost euphoric. Donny knows that it’s the rush of adrenaline that allows the release of Dopamine that leaves him feeling slightly giddy. But why did the particular action of it almost makes him feel at peace? Unfortunately he almost always crashes hard and is left with a feeling of guilt. Yes, the feeling of peace would never last, but the couple of seconds would be enough to convince him to start again.

He wasn’t suicidal. Well, not anymore, at least. He hasn’t had a death wish since he was 19, since his family started getting close to each other. Now, he sometimes just self harms to see his blood tickling down his arm. It helps him snap out of whatever self-decapitating trance he’ll be in. 

The turtle sighed again. He was feeling exhausted, even if he had about 12 hours sleep. Was it the depression, the lack of sleep previous to his intoxication, his anxiety from his feelings towards Raphael, or a combination of all? 

His feelings for the hothead have been getting stronger and somewhat less innocent. When he was younger, he would never act upon them. Just thinking about his immediate older brother like that was enough to bring a feeling of shame upon him. But as he grew older Donatello realized that he couldn’t help himself. Raphael was always there in his fantasies, sweating after a work out, his muscles tensing up as he lifted his arms to relieve some of the buildup tension. Sometimes Donnie would imagine Raph’s deep rumbling voice telling him exactly what he wanted to do to him, how good he was. Don would almost always end up a quivering mess, stroking himself until completion, coming hard with his brother’s name on his lips. It was a bittersweet feeling. 

After, he’d reach for the knife stashed away in his drawer and add a scar to his body, punishing himself to even be allowed these fantasies. It would elevate the pain of his mind. He was so disgusted by himself, so much that he thought he deserved the infliction. He was a freak lusting after his brother like that, imagining himself underneath that toned muscular body while his brother thrusts into him with an almost frantic pace while he moans his “ah fuck Don, I love you so much “.   
Oh yes, Donnie was truly a goner. 

Don was as stubborn as Raph.   
“I’m fine Raph, really” mimicked the hothead. Yeah right, fine ma arse. Raph wasn’t dumb, contrary to what the others thought. He actually observed and knew more than he let on. He knew that Leonardo never drinks coffee, only jasmin tea. The leader also seemed to have a sweet tooth, and would secretly be pleased whenever Mickey would bake something for him. Fearless struggles with shoulder pain, although he tries his best to hide it from his brothers. He’s very good at it, almost good enough to escape his immediate younger brother’s watchful eyes.

Michelangelo, they all knew, had a passion for cooking. What the didn’t know was that the youngest had a beautiful singing voice. He was also a talented artist, and loved to bake for his oldest brother. Their goofball is very sensitive, and the slightest criticism could send him feeling insecure for a couple of days. Of course he too was very good at hiding it.

And then his Donatello. The genius was the most complex turtle he had ever met. Not very hard, granted, seeing as he only met 3 but still. Raphael had notices his slightly reddish bandages around his wrists, and he wouldn’t be fooled thinking it “is just a fashion statement guys! Leave me alone.” Donnie suffers from migraines due to his quite awful posture. Being in front of the PC all day would do that to a turtle. But Don also loved music, especially classical like Mozart or Bach. Sometimes, deep in the night when he thought himself alone, he’s silently sway to the music, letting himself get caught in whatever sonate or concerto Wolfgang or Johann would bless him with. Raph especially loved those moments when his Donatello’s worries seem to be lifted from his shoulders, and more often than not he had to physically restrain himself from gabbing his brother by the waist and swaying behind him. Bodies flushed against each other. Hot breath against Don’s ear. Hands wondering, discovering every inch of the younger turtle’s body. He’d then turn him around and kiss him passionately and -

Raphael was snapped out of his daydream when he walked into the door to his room. He sighed. There is no way that he’ll ever experience that. And If by some miracle Donnie returns his feelings and is not totally disgusted by him, what makes them think their Father would accept their relationship? And what about Leo and Mickey? No, it would be better for everybody if he kept his fantasies to himself. After all, it can’t kill him. Can it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donnie and Raph both need a hug. From each other. Naked.   
Also, I am trying to put forward Donatello’s mental health issues. Everything he’s going through (well minus lusting after a sibling) I’ve experienced and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Remember, there’s no shame in seeking help.


End file.
